Golf

EEOT GOLF

Why Men Love to Golf

The pictures below are worth 10,000 words
in explaining the relative importance of golf.

Top Ten Signs You're Obsessed With Golf

1.) Even your work gloves have a ball marker on the wrist.
2.) You mow your backyard to 11 on the Stimpmeter.
3.) You don't know who the Prime Minister is, but you've got Phil Mickelson's sand save percentage memorized.
4.) You name your kids Arnold, Jesper and Chi Chi, and that's just the girls.
5.) Tees in all your pockets, even your jammies.
6.) Getting married at 10:00? You can still get in a quick 9 holes at 8:00.
7.) You have all the machinery foldouts from Turfgrass Monthly pinned to your wall.
8.) You get a titanium rod inserted permanently so you can't bend your left arm.
9.) After two days without golf, you get the shakes and have to phone 1-800-HEADCASE so they can talk you down.
10.) When you stand at the urinal, you use the overlapping grip

These are very, very accurate...

A two-foot putt counts the same as a two-foot drive.

Never wash your ball on the tee of a water hole.

There is no such thing as a friendly wager.

The stages of golf are Sudden Collapse, Radical Change, Complete Frustration, Slow Improvement, Brief Mastery, and Sudden Collapse.

The only sure way to get a par is to leave a four-foot birdie putt two inches short of the hole.

Don't play with anyone who would question a 7.

It's as easy to lower your handicap as it is to reduce your hat size.

If you really want to be better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.

If your driver is hot, your putter will be ice cold; if you can hit your irons, you will top your woods; if you are keeping your right elbow tucked in, your head will come up.

Progress in golf consists of two steps forward and ten miles backward.

One good shank deserves another.

It takes 17 holes to really get warmed up.

No golfer ever swung too slowly.

No golfer ever played too fast.

One birdie is a hot streak.

No matter how badly you are playing, it's always possible to play worse.

Whatever you think you're doing wrong is the one thing you're doing right.

Any change works for three holes.

The odds of hitting a duffed shot increase by the square of the number of people watching.

Never teach golf to your wife.

Never play your son for money.

Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.

The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.

It's surprisingly easy to hole a 50-foot putt when you lie 10.

The statute of limitations on forgotten strokes is two holes.

Bets lengthen putts and shorten drives.

Confidence evaporates in the presence of fairway water.

It takes considerable pressure to make a penalty stroke adhere to a scorecard.

It's not a gimme if you're still away.

The more your opponent quotes the rules, the greater the certainty that he cheats.

Always limp with the same leg for the whole round.

The rake is always in the other trap.

The wind is in your face on 16 of the 18 holes.

Nothing straightens out a nasty slice quicker than a sharp dogleg to the right.

The rough will be mowed tomorrow.

The ball always lands where the pin was yesterday.

It always takes at least five holes to notice that a club is missing...AND ITS ALWAYS FOUND IN YOUR PARTNERS BAG.

The nearest sprinkler head will be blank.

Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time and a two inch branch 90% of the time.

Out of bounds is always on the right, for right-handed golfers.

The practice green is either half as fast or twice as fast as all the other greens.

No one with funny head covers ever broke par (except for Tiger Woods).

The lowest numbered iron in your bag will always be impossible to hit.

Your straightest iron shot of the day will be exactly one club short.

No matter how far its shaft extends, a ball retriever is always a foot too short to reach the ball.

If you seem to be hitting your shots straight on the driving range, it's probably because you're not aiming at anything.

A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

The only thing you can learn from golf books is that you can't learn anything from golf books, but you have to read an awful lot of golf books to learn it.

Golf Truisms

1. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.
2. "I wish I could play my normal game...just once."
3. "Golf is harder than baseball. In golf, you have to play your foul balls."
4. If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here's a valuable tip: your life is in trouble.
5. Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot rarely make a perfect shot.
6. The term "mulligan" is really a contraction of the phrase "maul it again."
7. A "gimme" can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers...neither of whom can putt very well.
8. An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play; it is always possible to get worse.
9. Golf's a hard game to figure. One day you'll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and for no reason at all you really stink.
10. I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.
11. If your best shots are the practice swing and the "gimme Putt", you might wish to reconsider this game.
12. Achieving a certain level of success in golf is only important if you can finally enjoy the level you've reached after you've reached it.
13. Golf is the only sport where the most feared opponent is you.
14. Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself too seriously it won't work... and both are expensive.
15. The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil.
16. To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly.
17. In golf, some people tend to get confused with all the numbers...
they shoot a "six," yell "fore" and write "five".
18. Swing easy. Hit hard.
19. If you find yourself pleased that you locate more balls in the rough than you actually have lost, your focus is totally wrong and your personality might not be right for golf...it is also just a matter of time before the IRS investigates your business.
20. Why is it twice as difficult to hit a ball over water than sand?
21. Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins. And on top of that, the winner buys the drinks.

"The greatest sound in golf is the Woosh, Woosh, Woosh, of your opponents club as he hurls it across the fairway"

The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree. ~ Brian Weis

Swing hard in case you hit it. ~ Dan Marino

My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered. ~ Lord Robertson

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. ~ Jack Benny

There is no similarity between golf and putting; they are two different games, one played in the air, and the other on the ground. ~ Ben Hogan

Professional golf is the only sport where if you win 20% of the time, you're the best. ~ Jack Nicklaus

The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. It's almost a law. ~ H. G. Wells

I never pray on a golf course. Actually, the Lord answers my prayers everywhere except on the course. ~ Billy Graham

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Bob Hope

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake. ~ Henny Youngman

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. ~ Jack Lemmon

You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work. ~ Lee Trevino

I'm not saying my golf game went bad..., but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced. ~ Lee Trevino

Quotes & Toasts 0f The Day - Golf Quotes

These greens are so fast, I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow. ~ Sam Snead

I was three over. One over a house, one over a patio, and one over a swimming pool.~ George Brett

Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And I took a 7 to do that. ~ Jim Murray

The only sure rule in golf is - he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie.~ Mickey Mantle

Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them.~ Kevin Costner

I don't fear death..., but I sure don't like those three-footers for par.~ Chi Chi Rodriguez

After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye. ~ Chi Chi Rodriguez

"On becoming eligible for the Senior Tour - Why would I want to be out there with all those young guns? No sense playing the flat bellies when you can play the round bellies." ---Lee Trevino (1989)

"Golf is like an 18-year-old girl with the big b00bs. You know it's wrong but you can't keep away from her". ----Val Doonican

"You know the old rule: He who have the fastest cart never have to play bad lie." ---Mickey Mantle Esquire (1971)

A compulsive golfer is a crackputt. ---Anon

Golf is like an 18-year-old girl with the big B00bs. You know it's wrong but you can't keep away from her. ----Val Doonican

The definition of the average golfer is: one who starts at six, shouts 'Fore!', takes five, and puts down a three. ---Anon

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing. ---Phyllis Oilier

GOLF -- IT'S AN EASY GAME

Everyone can learn to play golf!
Once a player has mastered the grip and stance, all he has to bear in mind, in the brief two-second interval it takes to swing, is to keep his left elbow pointed in toward the left hip and his right arm loose and closer to the body than the left
---and take the club head past his right knee
---and then break the wrists at just the right instant while the left arm is still traveling straight back from the ball and the right arm stays glued to the body---and the hips come around in a perfect circle
---and meanwhile everything is mucked up unless the weight is 60 percent on the left foot and 40 percent on the right---not an ounce more or less
---and at just the right point in the turn the left knee bends in toward the right in a dragging motion until the left heel comes off the ground---but not too far
---and be sure the hands are over the right foot---but not on the toe more than the heel
---except that the left side of the right foot is tilted off the ground---but not too far
---and be sure the hands at the top of the swing are high and the shaft points along a line parallel with the ground
---and if its a downhill lie the shaft is supposed to be pointed downhill too
---and pause at the top of the swing and count one, jerk the left arm straight down like a bell ringer yanking a belfry rope
---and don't un-cock the wrists too soon and pull the left hip around in a circle
---but don't let the shoulders turn with the hips, they have to be facing the hole
---and now transfer the weight 60 percent to the left foot and 40 percent to the right---not an ounce more or less
---and tilt the left foot now so the right side of it is straight
---that's the one you hit against
---watch out for the left hand, it's supposed to be extended---but not too stiff or the shot won't go anywhere
---and don't let it get loose or you will hook
---and let the wrists un-cock
---but don't force them or you'll smother the shot
---and don't break too soon but keep your head down
---then hit the ball!

THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO IT!!

Summer Solstice

Jim McColl Memorial

Myrtle Beach

Brian Smyth's 70th Birthday